i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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