So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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