Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Alive.
So much puke
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
