put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
