Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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