He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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