Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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