If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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