does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
wow bdsm is so cute
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
