So drunk its hurt
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love you. Go after that dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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