the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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