he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
