if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
