whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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