Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
