Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
