I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
