Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
