i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
