If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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