I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I currently don't understand fingers.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
