I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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