I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
