My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just google imaged poop.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
