I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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