Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
