Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
