You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
