No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
