then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
