If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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