he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
