Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
