Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
