I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
