So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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