pop tarts are not kleenex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
