Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
