Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
