Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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