Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think your dad took our porno
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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