You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
