I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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