I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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