Please, let me fuck your mom
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
