i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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