things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
