ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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