I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
