haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
