So drunk its hurt
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
