is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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