He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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