I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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