Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize