You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
