she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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