totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
