they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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