She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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