Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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