I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
