you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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