so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
