Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
